Nothing Is Ever As It Seems

Have you ever had someone who you thought was your friend, but truely wasn't; but you didn't realize until it was "too late?" You've gotta love those friendships. Friends are supposed to be there for you when you need it most. But of course, when you're having the worst day of life (or what seems like it) those "faux amis" are the ones who are kicking you when you're down; which in turn only makes things worse. What are you supposed to do when this is the case? Stay positive. So much easier said than done; especially when you live in a house with 5 other females who have seemed to band together to make your life miserable. Nothing ever surprises me anymore, really, it doesn't. One could hope that it gets easier, but it never seems to. Positivity seems like only a figment of a distant memory currently. So much for "making the most of these four months."

The best part of the situation, is when I make the dreaded trip down the stairs for whatever reason; now I can hear them having a conversation and laughing amongst themselves, however, when I set foot down the stairs a haunting slience falls on them. It just makes me feel so great about myself; I mean really, who wouldn't!?

I didn't even do anything or say anything to them. The start of this hell commenced yesterday, I finally hit my breaking point and left last night. I've never fit in here. I never claimed to, either; I attempted to, but with no success. Last night was when everything I had bottled up inside of me, finally decided to burst. I had to leave. Being miserable and alone was not a good option last night. I thank God that there are a miniscule few people in my life that I can rely on. So, I threw together the necessities for the night and walked out the door. Did I hurt anyone by doing so? Well, not in my logic, but I obviously did something wrong.

I really have a difficult time understanding the logic of people sometimes. I apologize for not wanting to tell you my flaws, aspirations, problems and family history; but sometimes its just none of your business. I'm currently feeling horribly miserable and alone. Only four months to go, and I'm done. Let's hope for the best.